Keep Calm and Find a Sex Buddy (And Two More)

written by Melissa August 15, 2017

This is the fourth and last of a four part series on dealing with Casual Sex. Part Four covers how to approach casual sex and how many partners are the right amount.

Sex Buddy

On part three you learned how to handle the emotional aspect of having one or more partners. Here we will cover the pros and cons of handling casual one night stands, a sex buddy and a rotation of sexual partners.

Casual One Night Stands

Usually one night stands happen when you are drunk at the bar or at a party and you click with someone. Somehow the next day you wake up on their bed questioning what happened last night. Woo-Hoo, you’ve had a one night stand with a total stranger. Congrats.

My view on one night stands may differ from the normal because I’m not a fan of this kind of sexual interaction and here’s why.

When you have sex with someone for the first time, it is impossible for them to know exactly what you like and what turns you on. So it usually ends up going horribly, at least in my experience. I have learned that the more you have sex with one person, the more you learn how to please the other. And isn’t that the point of sex? Correct me if I’m wrong.

This is why I prefer to know the person and highly recommend to have a friends with benefits.

Friends with Benefits

When you choose a friends with benefits you have to take a few things in consideration such as:

  • Can you trust this person?
  • Can they fulfill your sexual desires?
  • Are you physically attracted to this person?
  • Can they be discreet?

It is very important that you can trust your friends with benefits and agree with him/her on the the limits of exclusivity of this exchange so no one gets hurt.

Most people say that your friends with benefits should be kept as a sex-only exchange. However, I highly degree with this rule because I like to get to know the person I’m being intimate with. Why? Because I need to have some sort of attraction to this person and I don’t believe someone’s physique is enough. In order for me to consider sleeping with someone I have to have some sort of attraction to their personality, so they do have to be funny, smart and most like long walks on the beach. Okay, I’m kidding about the last one, but you catch my drift. I like to be able to have some sort of actual friendship with the beneficiary of my body so it’s not only and in-n-out kind of situation.

Let’s be clear here, I’m not suggesting to go on dates with your friends with benefits, all I’m saying is that it is not a bad thing to get to know this person and have a conversation every now and then.

You should only consider having a friends with benefits if you can tell the difference between having a friend and a relationship. You also have to make sure you can be fully detached of this person. Always remember, this is not a serious relationship and just like Nilan mentioned on part three of this series, you can’t get mad if they don’t reply to your texts or if they suddenly start dating someone else.

The 3 Sex Buddies Rotation

Having a rotation of sex partners is the way to go if you like variety and want to keep your getting-laid options open. I personally recommend having a 3 person rotation, AKA, having the main sex buddy, the back-up and the-back-up-of-the-back up.

The main sex buddy is someone who can give you some nice conversation and fulfill your sexual needs. However, this person does not always reply to your texts nor picks up all your calls. When in need, you always contact them first because they give you good quality sex and go the extra mile when they are around. Their only issue is that they are not always available because they may or may not be hoeing around with someone else.

Sex buddies are not obligated to respond to your text or call, and sometimes they just don’t. It happens. This is why you should have a back up. Your back-up may not be as good of a performer as your main sex buddy, however, they are usually available when you contact them.

The-back-up-of-the-back up is the person you call when you need to get laid and you have exhausted all your options (including your sex toys and some good old porn). There is something about this person that may annoy you that makes you not want to see them too often, however you find yourself getting back on that dick every so often because your other options are not around.

If you take one thing out of this series is that you are in power of your sex life. Make sure you are prepared emotionally and physically, then you can choose how you can take it.

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