Stay Hydrated, Protected Your Edges, and Get Chose

written by Nilan September 29, 2017

This Week In Late Night Thoughts!

As I write this, I’m bad mouthing TIDAL for not having new songs I actually care about while reluctantly deciding to listen to Vic Mensa’s “The Autobiography” for literally the fourth time today. Specifically, I have “Memories on 47th St.” on repeat because I vibe with the hook.

It’s not unusual for me to spend the late hours of the night plugging in a playlist and rifling through the thoughts of the day or week. In fact, when I don’t have time to properly react to something during the week, this is my designated time to sit back, assess how I felt about it, and vent. I decided to bring these late night thoughts to Two Complicateds and hash it out with you all as a regular segment: This Week in Late Night Thoughts.

The topics I talk about here aren’t set in stone, but as time goes on this segment will begin to form itself and have its own beat. So, without further adieu, let’s get it started.

Your Black Will Crack If It’s Dry

If you like a good podcast and Gettin’ Grown isn’t on your list, you’re missing out. Hosted by two black women navigating their way through their 30s, it’s a grown version of Two Complicateds. When I started listening a while ago, the shows closing catchphrase, “Stay hydrated because your black will crack if it’s dry,” stuck with me a little more than expected.

I literally haven’t aged in the last 8 years (not sure if I still look like a teenager or if I’ve looked like I’m in my early twenties since high school) and I’ve always chalked it up to all this melanin gracing my skin. But, as a young ambassador of team lightskin, I’ve seen firsthand that that all could change pretty quickly. I could go to sleep one night and wake up the next morning having aged like Lindsay Lohan between June 3rd and June 5th 2003. It’s a delicate balance, being a youthful lightskint and this face is entirely too magnificent to let that happen.

I’ve been drinking 3L of water everyday for the last month, except the last three days. In all, I’ve been feeling great throughout the day. I get a full night’s sleep. I’ve lost 12 lbs in the last two weeks. But it seems like such a chore now. What happens if I stop? Will I age like Stacey Dash after she stopped being black? Does she look like a chewed up piece of Jack Link’s beef jerky because she stopped drinking her 102 ounces? Or was that just the ancestors at work?

Do You Even Have Edges To Be Snatched

Cardi must have expected Iggy’s flopmate and name twin, Azealia Banks, to pop up out of the woodworks just to hate on Bardi’s history making win this last week. Because the Bacardi namesake came with video receipts of Banks dancing to the new #1 single in a club where I’m sure she was not invited to perform.

My only question is why? Why Azealia? Didn’t Skye Jackson already snatch what was left of those Crypt Keeper inspired edges last time? Your edge supplier must be making a nice bag. You have to see them, what, every other Thursday for a re-up as often as those joints are snatched directly at the root.

I Deserve…!

I’ve been thinking recently: Why am I not someone’s snack? Do I not deserve? Am I not worthy? Why aren’t I someone’s dollar ninety-nine bag of hot cheetos? Someone’s pack of nowaladers? I mean, I’m easily a 12-ct Chick-fil-a nugget with a medium waffle fry, small frosted lemonade and a nearly unlimited supply of Chick-fil-a AND Polynesian sauce at no extra charge. What do I need to do to get chose?

But then I remembered that all I do is stay in my house, leave people on read for 2 months, and eat Chick-fil-a. Plus I’m not really checking for nobody until I reach these Summer ‘18 body goals I’ve been working on since Nicki and Rihmeek were still together.

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